If I were a boy...

While I'm not a huge Beyoncé fan (aside from memorizing the "Single Ladies" dance), I couldn't help but use her song title for this post.  I just got home from seeing "The Time Traveler's Wife" with a (male) friend of mine, and I've come to realize that based on how little I enjoyed both this film and "The Notebook"--which, according to most people I've surveyed, is the best chick flick of all time--there must be something wrong with me.  I've narrowed it down to the following possibilities:

1.  I was born a man.

***I've read "Middlesex" and taken enough biology classes to know that the odds of this being the truth are about one in eight-point-three billion.  Still, I have to throw it out there.

2.  I am a cynical, heartless person.

***Again, this is highly unlikely if based on self-analysis, although a few of my close friends might say otherwise; they really just wish I would cry more.  I don't.

3.  I am afraid to fall in love.

***I guard my heart, but I would LOVE to fall in love.  I just want it to be the right person instead of giving a part of myself away to someone that won't be a part of my future.  So I'm doubting that this is the answer....  

4.  Other people are stupid.

***Most of the girls that tell me "The Notebook" is their favorite movie have completely unrealistic expectations of romantic relationships.  In fact, I think a lot of them broke up with their boyfriends after reading "Twilight" because they don't think their men could compare with Edward.  Enough said.

5.  My breed is slowly becoming extinct.  The breed that thinks it's a man's job to pursue a woman.  Hardcore.  

***Along with possibility 4, I think this is the solution.  As a young woman in a society that is growing to accept and encourage the idea that it's a good thing for a girl to be forward with a guy, I find it mind-boggling to see how many of my female peers believe that it's healthy to romantically pursue a man.  Sure, he might enjoy the attention for a little while, and he might even think he likes the girl back; most of my guy friends that have been involved in relationships where girls pursued them said the fun quickly wore off when they realized that they didn't like the girls that much.  For them, it was more of the idea of being desired that attracted them to the girls.  I think every guy I've talked to about this has said something along the lines of, "I liked the attention, not the girl...if I would've liked the girl, I would've gone after her first."  

Ladies, beware!  Don't get caught up in the illusion (I really want to make an Arrested Development reference right now, but I'll refrain) of being the world's definition of a "strong, independent woman."  A true strong and independent woman doesn't need to pursue a man because she finds her worth in God alone.  

So pardon me for the rant, but I'm tired of seeing my smart friends sell themselves short when it comes to relationships.  I'm tired of seeing movies that make love and sex synonymous.  I'm tired of hearing complaints about being led on by so-and-so--let's face it, he's just not that into you.  

I'm done.  I had to get that out before my brain exploded.  Now I'm free to move on and try to love without expecting anything in return.

Peace and love,

Lo B.

Silence is golden.

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.  The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.  The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment." -- Proverbs 10:19-21

Being from the South, I've grown up in a culture where gossip is more prevalent than Trekkies at ComicCon; put two Southern women together and the incessant chatter will begin.  I hate it, yet far too often I find myself caught up in a conversation that just isn't particularly edifying to others or to God.  It's something that God has really been working on in my heart, and I feel like it's finally starting to get easier to be wise with my words.  

I know it's clichè to say that if you don't have anything nice to say then you shouldn't say anything at all, but it's the truth.  Our words are purely the overflow of our hearts, so if we're spewing out words that tear others down or that simply don't give glory to our Lord, then we probably need to ask God what is wrong in our hearts.  What lie are we believing about Him enough to make us speak sinful words?

So here's a challenge:  think before you speak.  It's a simple concept, but it's a hard one to consistently act upon.  Don't talk just for the sake of talking...silence doesn't have to be awkward.  If you're talking to someone and they start gossiping or speaking foolishly, ask them not to.  Don't be snooty about it, but stand firm in the name of the Lord as you seek wisdom.  

I have failed, I am failing, and I will fail again, but there is hope for the future.  As we shift our way of communicating, we will set examples of how to speak in love and hopefully create a better home environment, a better community, and a better world, a world that honors God.

Think about it...then maybe speak about it.

Peace and Love,

Lo B.

Amazing.

In spite of human failures, God still moved in the hearts of the Rakvere students this week.  He also worked wonders in the lives of our team, the North Point team, and the Rakvere team.  While I would (not) love to go into detail about the many challenges we faced this week, I think I'll save the stories for personal conversations...it would just be too hard to write out everything that happened, and I'm pretty sure I might lose it if I have to think about it any more today.  

All that being said, I am SO glad to have finished my last camp.  I'm absolutely exhausted, and I'm looking forward to a good night's rest.  We leave for intern debriefing tomorrow, and we'll finish it on Thursday.  After that, we chill in Tartu until early afternoon on Friday, then we head back to Tallinn for our last day together before Brett and I fly out on Saturday.  This summer has been absolutely crazy, and it's been a beautiful thing to experience God in such a new way.  Really, my time here has been amazing...

SPEAKING OF AMAZING...

I was in Tallinn today with the interns and the GC&SU team that served at Brett's camp, and while we were there we wandered into the square in Old Towne.  I heard one of the guys say, "They're filming something over there...wait, isn't that the guy from 'The Amazing Race?'"

My head whipped around to where they were pointing, and I yelled out "Phil!!!"

Yes, it was in fact Phil Keoghan, host of "The Amazing Race," filming a segment for what I guess was the Estonian leg of my favorite reality show EVER.  I almost peed myself.  I'm not even ashamed to admit it.  It was incredible.

The craziest part about it is that my mom and I had just had a full conversation about the show on Wednesday when we were talking on Skype.  We've been talking about applying for the show for awhile now, but we have to wait until I'm 21 so I'll be eligible to race.  We explained our full strategy to Chris the other night...when we're one the show, we will be the crazy Christian women that praise Jesus and throw our competitors under the bus.  We will annihilate the competition.

Really, I just took the moment as a sign from God that I am definitely supposed to be on the show.  Then my beloved Phil and I will be reunited, and I won't have to worry about the production people coming up to me and asking me not to yell at him and to avoid standing in the back of the frame and staring.

So I guess I just have to wait patiently for July 21, 2010.  

This will probably be my last blog from Estonia.  Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all of your support this summer...I didn't get sick ONCE, and a revolution of True Love is spreading across this nation thanks to your prayers and support.  I love you and will see you in about a week!

Peace and Love,

Lo B.