If I were a boy...

While I'm not a huge Beyoncé fan (aside from memorizing the "Single Ladies" dance), I couldn't help but use her song title for this post.  I just got home from seeing "The Time Traveler's Wife" with a (male) friend of mine, and I've come to realize that based on how little I enjoyed both this film and "The Notebook"--which, according to most people I've surveyed, is the best chick flick of all time--there must be something wrong with me.  I've narrowed it down to the following possibilities:

1.  I was born a man.

***I've read "Middlesex" and taken enough biology classes to know that the odds of this being the truth are about one in eight-point-three billion.  Still, I have to throw it out there.

2.  I am a cynical, heartless person.

***Again, this is highly unlikely if based on self-analysis, although a few of my close friends might say otherwise; they really just wish I would cry more.  I don't.

3.  I am afraid to fall in love.

***I guard my heart, but I would LOVE to fall in love.  I just want it to be the right person instead of giving a part of myself away to someone that won't be a part of my future.  So I'm doubting that this is the answer....  

4.  Other people are stupid.

***Most of the girls that tell me "The Notebook" is their favorite movie have completely unrealistic expectations of romantic relationships.  In fact, I think a lot of them broke up with their boyfriends after reading "Twilight" because they don't think their men could compare with Edward.  Enough said.

5.  My breed is slowly becoming extinct.  The breed that thinks it's a man's job to pursue a woman.  Hardcore.  

***Along with possibility 4, I think this is the solution.  As a young woman in a society that is growing to accept and encourage the idea that it's a good thing for a girl to be forward with a guy, I find it mind-boggling to see how many of my female peers believe that it's healthy to romantically pursue a man.  Sure, he might enjoy the attention for a little while, and he might even think he likes the girl back; most of my guy friends that have been involved in relationships where girls pursued them said the fun quickly wore off when they realized that they didn't like the girls that much.  For them, it was more of the idea of being desired that attracted them to the girls.  I think every guy I've talked to about this has said something along the lines of, "I liked the attention, not the girl...if I would've liked the girl, I would've gone after her first."  

Ladies, beware!  Don't get caught up in the illusion (I really want to make an Arrested Development reference right now, but I'll refrain) of being the world's definition of a "strong, independent woman."  A true strong and independent woman doesn't need to pursue a man because she finds her worth in God alone.  

So pardon me for the rant, but I'm tired of seeing my smart friends sell themselves short when it comes to relationships.  I'm tired of seeing movies that make love and sex synonymous.  I'm tired of hearing complaints about being led on by so-and-so--let's face it, he's just not that into you.  

I'm done.  I had to get that out before my brain exploded.  Now I'm free to move on and try to love without expecting anything in return.

Peace and love,

Lo B.

Silence is golden.

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.  The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.  The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment." -- Proverbs 10:19-21

Being from the South, I've grown up in a culture where gossip is more prevalent than Trekkies at ComicCon; put two Southern women together and the incessant chatter will begin.  I hate it, yet far too often I find myself caught up in a conversation that just isn't particularly edifying to others or to God.  It's something that God has really been working on in my heart, and I feel like it's finally starting to get easier to be wise with my words.  

I know it's clichè to say that if you don't have anything nice to say then you shouldn't say anything at all, but it's the truth.  Our words are purely the overflow of our hearts, so if we're spewing out words that tear others down or that simply don't give glory to our Lord, then we probably need to ask God what is wrong in our hearts.  What lie are we believing about Him enough to make us speak sinful words?

So here's a challenge:  think before you speak.  It's a simple concept, but it's a hard one to consistently act upon.  Don't talk just for the sake of talking...silence doesn't have to be awkward.  If you're talking to someone and they start gossiping or speaking foolishly, ask them not to.  Don't be snooty about it, but stand firm in the name of the Lord as you seek wisdom.  

I have failed, I am failing, and I will fail again, but there is hope for the future.  As we shift our way of communicating, we will set examples of how to speak in love and hopefully create a better home environment, a better community, and a better world, a world that honors God.

Think about it...then maybe speak about it.

Peace and Love,

Lo B.

Amazing.

In spite of human failures, God still moved in the hearts of the Rakvere students this week.  He also worked wonders in the lives of our team, the North Point team, and the Rakvere team.  While I would (not) love to go into detail about the many challenges we faced this week, I think I'll save the stories for personal conversations...it would just be too hard to write out everything that happened, and I'm pretty sure I might lose it if I have to think about it any more today.  

All that being said, I am SO glad to have finished my last camp.  I'm absolutely exhausted, and I'm looking forward to a good night's rest.  We leave for intern debriefing tomorrow, and we'll finish it on Thursday.  After that, we chill in Tartu until early afternoon on Friday, then we head back to Tallinn for our last day together before Brett and I fly out on Saturday.  This summer has been absolutely crazy, and it's been a beautiful thing to experience God in such a new way.  Really, my time here has been amazing...

SPEAKING OF AMAZING...

I was in Tallinn today with the interns and the GC&SU team that served at Brett's camp, and while we were there we wandered into the square in Old Towne.  I heard one of the guys say, "They're filming something over there...wait, isn't that the guy from 'The Amazing Race?'"

My head whipped around to where they were pointing, and I yelled out "Phil!!!"

Yes, it was in fact Phil Keoghan, host of "The Amazing Race," filming a segment for what I guess was the Estonian leg of my favorite reality show EVER.  I almost peed myself.  I'm not even ashamed to admit it.  It was incredible.

The craziest part about it is that my mom and I had just had a full conversation about the show on Wednesday when we were talking on Skype.  We've been talking about applying for the show for awhile now, but we have to wait until I'm 21 so I'll be eligible to race.  We explained our full strategy to Chris the other night...when we're one the show, we will be the crazy Christian women that praise Jesus and throw our competitors under the bus.  We will annihilate the competition.

Really, I just took the moment as a sign from God that I am definitely supposed to be on the show.  Then my beloved Phil and I will be reunited, and I won't have to worry about the production people coming up to me and asking me not to yell at him and to avoid standing in the back of the frame and staring.

So I guess I just have to wait patiently for July 21, 2010.  

This will probably be my last blog from Estonia.  Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all of your support this summer...I didn't get sick ONCE, and a revolution of True Love is spreading across this nation thanks to your prayers and support.  I love you and will see you in about a week!

Peace and Love,

Lo B.

Here it is...

Finally, a picture of the new tatt.

It's really not very big, but it looks bigger because the picture is zoomed in so much.  

Oh, and a bunch of the Americans have been sick over the past few days, so please keep praying that they will stay healthy and rested for the remainder of our time at camp.  Also, please pray for the rest of us...camp is going really well so far, but I think we're just a little tired and not ready to deal with some of the stupid stuff we've been dealing with.  That's about it--I'm tired, so I'm going to bed.  Thanks.  Goodnight and Godspeed.

Peace and love,

Lo B.

Taste past the tip of your tongue

"Wake up everyone

How can you sleep at a time like this

Unless the dreamer is the real you

Listen to your voice

The one that tells you to taste past the tip of your tongue

Leap and the net will appear"

-Jason Mraz, "Make It Mine"

Unless you live under a rock, you probably know that I am a huge fan of Jason Mraz.  I think he is one of the most naturally talented musicians around, and he is a brilliant lyricist..  He writes a lot about love, and not just about romantic love but about philanthropy, too.  His music always puts me in a happy mood (even if I'm not listening to one of his oh-so-catchy summery tunes), and I've been listening to him a lot lately.  I find something new in each of his songs every time I listen, and the above excerpt from "Make It Mine" really jumped out at me recently.  

The world is so full of beauty, but for some reason we tend to look past it and to maintain a "grass is greener" philosophy about life.  Instead of stumbling through life, finding it merely mediocre, I'm trying to live with eyes wide open, observing all the beauty on this earth.  It's easy to get jaded (I know I have far too often) and to forget to appreciate the little things, but I'm working on breaking down the unappreciative shell I tend to build up around my brain.  I'm grateful for all the blessings, big and small, that God has given me.  I like to dream; I want to do big things; I want to (as I wrote about not long ago) seize the day.  I'm tasting past the tip of my tongue, and it's a great feeling.

I'm not sure where all this is coming from; I'm thinking it's stemming from having a new team of Americans here.  They're from Atlanta (NPCC, actually), and it's completely bizarre to have people from home around me again.  I miss my family and friends and everything, but I really, REALLY don't miss life in the metro-Atlanta area (actually, whenever we listen to the song "Disturbia" I change the lyrics to "suburbia").  The team is cool and everything, but it just feels like they're from a different world than me.  I'm coming home in two weeks, and it's the strangest feeling to know I'm going back to the comfortable life; I'm excited to start school in January, but I'm really not particularly keen on the idea of being in East Cobb for another year or so.  I'm just being honest.  I didn't really like it before I came here, and I doubt I'll like it when I get back.  

But I'm going to try to appreciate the beauty of the next year as I see it, and I'm going to try my hardest to make the most of the time I have once I get back home.  It won't be easy, but I'm going to trust that God has me there for a reason, even if it's not a reason that I like.

That being said, please pray for our final camps, as they start tomorrow.  Kati, Ev, Chris, and I are working with the NPCC team and the youth from the town of Rakvere, and we'll be heading back to Pala for this camp.  Ask God to keep us safe, humble, and united throughout this week.  I think this week is going to be as much a growing experience for the students from North Point as it is for the students from Rakvere, so ask God to move in everyone's hearts as the week progresses.  Brett and Innar are doing another camp at the same time as ours, so please keep them in your prayers, too.  

Please be praying for me as the end of my trip approaches; it's going to be very hard to leave my friends here, and I want to have a good attitude about returning home.  I also need rest, so please pray for that and for energy for me (and for the rest of the team) as I participate in my final camp.  I'm really excited for this week, and I can't wait to tell you more about it as camp progresses.  

Well, I guess that's really all I have to say.  I'm going to take a little nap and continue listening to Mr. A-Z.  Oh, wait, that reminds me.  He is going to be doing a concert in Atlanta in two days and I'm very, very sad that I won't be there.  If you can, buy a ticket and go to the show.  It's worth it.  I promise you.  Okay...bye.

Peace and Love,

Lo B.

Tsau.

I left my heart in...

Kohila.

Well, I have officially finished my second camp.  It was challenging, hot, mosquito-infested, interesting, fun, and probably the most wonderful weeks of my life.  Our Kohila English camp was completely different than the first ones in Pala and Sihva; A) we were at a location that was brand new to us, B) the location was mostly outdoors, so the bugs were AWFUL, C) it was the first EC ever done with the youth from Kohila, D) it was the only camp where all the interns could be together, and E) I was leading a small group.  There were plenty of other differences, too, but I think it's just best to say that I can't really compare my two camp experiences because they've been so different.  

However, I can say that I have never connected with a group of students the way I did with the ones this week.  Almost all were non-believers, so it was very challenging to present the story of God in a way that would be appealing to them; also, some of the kids' English wasn't very strong, so the communication barrier was a bit more challenging than at the first camp.  That didn't stop God from moving in the kids' hearts (of course), but it did force us to get creative with our small group times.  

Here is a picture of my small group; from left to right it's Grete (my Estonian co-leader), Mari-liis, Mall, Abigail (our speaker's 9-year-old daughter), Kristel, Martha, and me.

  

I loved getting to know these girls; they are so sweet, and it was so cool to see them open up throughout the week.  It was so great to be able to talk with them about God, and at the end of the week Mari-liis and Mall accepted Christ (I'm getting chills just writing about it).  My heart was bursting with love for them when we left Kohila yesterday.

I absolutely loved the goofy boys here; their average age was 15, and they were over-the-top ridiculous.  I think they enjoyed having a girl around that was willing to do, well, pretty much anything they challenged me to do.  On our last night at camp when they all went to sauna, I was talking to my mom on Skype when a bunch of boys ran into our meeting room, covered in mud.  They had jumped into the lake and rubbed mud all over their bodies after sauna, and they wanted to come scare off the girls in the meeting room.  As I talked with Mumsy, they came over and started to wipe mud on my face (and to introduce themselves to my mom, of course), hoping that I would want to retaliate.  I didn't, so they ran back outside.  A few minutes later, once I was done Skyping, they ran back in with a few new recruits.  All the girls in the room were screaming, and I was just laughing; as they started to run out, I made the mistake of saying, "But I wanted a hug!"  One of the leaders (who I had also worked with in Pala), Kuldar, ran back and gave me a huge hug.  All the other boys saw him, and the following picture is a glimpse of the chaos that ensued. 

It was crazy, disgusting fun, and that's why I love these boys.  They keep me young at my ripe old age of 20 (in three days).

Finally, I have to introduce my new buddies, Risto and Robert.  They are like my brothers from other mothers.  I met these two our first night when I sat down at a table and started talking to Robert.  Honestly, I thought I wasn't going to like the kid (I told him that afterwards) because he seemed like the type that thought he was too cool for school.  As soon as we started talking he changed my mind; he is crazy, and I love it.  Risto came over to talk with us a few minutes after I met Robert, and I quickly decided that I loved him because he's really reserved (and I love nothing more than forcing people to come out of their shells).  The two of them are on an extreme sports team in Kohila, and they're so good at what they do--Robert is a BMXer and Risto is a rollerblader--that they have sponsors and all that jazz.  Words can't describe how much I love these guys.  They're fantastic.

I think the real way for you to understand what I mean when I say that I left my heart in Kohila would be for me to tell you what happened yesterday at our after-party.  We spent the afternoon back at a park in Kohila, chilling and grilling with the students.  When the time rolled around for us to head back to Tartu, the goodbyes began.  It was so hard to say goodbye to everyone (one boy that loved me a little too much hugged me at least 8 times), and it was almost surreal to think that I wasn't going to be seeing these kids every day anymore.  We hugged, laughed, talked about being facebook friends, and climbed into our cars.  Brett, Kati, Evelin, Maggie Younker (a friend from Atlanta that is taking a weekend off from studying abroad in Oxford to visit us), another teammate, Daniel, and I were all riding back to the church to pick up our stuff and go home.  As we headed toward the park's exit, a line of students stepped in front of the cars to block our path.  

Evelin and I looked at each other and we both started crying.  

I don't cry very often.  I cried multiple times yesterday.  These kids are incredible, and they've touched me in a way that I can't yet grasp.  

Thank you for your prayers this week...please continue to pray that God's love will be evident to the youth of Kohila, and pray for Joel and Veronika, the Kohila youth leaders.  

I'm now going to hang out with friends before we have a big birthday shindig for Kati (hers was the 16th) and me.  Woohoo!

Peace and Love,

Lo B.